On my way there once again, hot and bothered and just not in the mood whatsoever.
I had a night full of those dreams again, the ones where I wake with a jolt, every nerve ending relieving what happened. I look completely exhausted, but it’s easier to just blame the lack of sleep on my daughter these days, I feel utterly pathetic having to do so.
Last session I had he put me under (a little hypnosis terminology for you all there). The beauty of it is that you don’t remember what was said, he talks to my subconscious, rather than my conscious, I don’t really care who or what he talks to, as long as it benefits me in some way. I do recall though, how absolutely alien it felt to me to feel my entire body relax. The realisation that I have been so tense and on edge for the past year was a very emotional one.
Every bloody day just feels like an up hill struggle at the moment and I am exhausted. Every day feels like I am going into battle but completely unprepared, I don’t recognise myself. I really don’t.
Today, apparently, I will be learning the techniques to ‘control my thoughts’. That sounds like heaven. If it works do you know what that will mean for little old me?
- It won’t be the first thing that I think of each morning.
- I’ll see the good in people and not just the bad, or potentially bad.
- I won’t constantly feel scared or under threat.
- I’ll be able to build trust again.
- I won’t hate myself with such passion.
Sounds blissful, eh?