A confession, so now what?

He sent me a confession over whatsapp back in January. I begged and begged him for an apology for what he did, I never got one. But I got a confession. At the time I just wanted the recognition of what he had done, I wanted to know that he knew what he had done to me.

It’s made up of six screenshots and a whole lot of ‘woe is me’ bullshit from him. I remember at the time I thanked him of sending it, I called him brave. Can you believe that? I called that disgusting piece of vermin, brave.

I had so much love for him and you need to understand this. That love stopped me from ever wanting to press charges against him. That love made me want to protect him, yes, even after what he had done to me, but that’s love isn’t it? Makes you a damn fool.

However I would beg for the opportunity to speak about it with him, I mean a proper talk about it. He knew that I was ill, I mean desperately ill because of his actions, I needed to talk, to get it out of my head. I needed to understand – I needed a damn apology. 

One word is all I needed from that coward. One word.

He refused. He told me no. So what happened? Seemingly overnight I lost any trace of love I had left. It turned to hate quicker than I ever thought possible. I told myself, how can he have caused this much hurt, how can he know that I protected him for so long regarding it, and not feel the need to say sorry? 

I’m big on apologies.

A direct quote from his confession, I love this..(is sarcasm easy to read this way?): “I trust that your memory is hazy due to DKA, so be it. I trust you enough to do this, Catherine”. Let’s all just take a minute to rejoice and laugh together at the fact that this piece of vermin has dared to talk about trust, to me. Is he for fucking real?

He wants to talk of trust does he?:

  • I trusted him and he raped me, ignoring me saying no and stop it, multiple times.
  • I trusted him and he showed acts of violence against me while my daughter was present.
  • I trusted him when he promised me that I wouldn’t have to grieve for baby alone.

So yes, let’s enjoy th irony of that piece of utter vermin even typing the word trust, the irony is not lost on me, believe you me.

If I wasn’t so bloody angry and hate filled, I would laugh a lot at that.

How unbelievably pathetic he is, is and always has been.


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