Let’s make no mistake here, I hold all the power. I have the evidence, more than he seems to realise. Yes there is a court case to get through, but my god, out of the two of us it is me that gets to decide how this pans out.
I could be vengeful (rightly so); drag this through the courts. Have every single person who holds him dear know exactly what he has done. A sex offenders register, that means no travelling (something he is passionate about), well I could take that away.. his future could be seriously hindered by being on a register…but, what he did has seriously hindered my present, hasn’t it? So that would be pretty damn fair and deserved in my eyes.
Pathetically I have begged him over 200 times for a simple apology. Can you believe that? A rape victim beginning for an apology, I feel so pathetic, but that’s what I have done. I never got a reply. If you had asked me up until maybe two months ago, when I was still protected him (can you believe my sheer stupidity, I can’t) then I would have point blank refused to report him or do anything, an apology would have been enough for me, honestly. I could not think of anything worse than having other people thinking badly of him, my babu, it broke my heart. Misplaced loyalty..
Indoctrinated to the max, eh.
You know, if this had been a normal break up I would have been fine, well not fine, it would have been awful and all of that, but I would have reached the point of acceptance long ago and been ok. I am over him 1000000% I see him for what he truly is, but there is a shit tonne of anger left. He thinks he has gotten away with raping me and then getting to cease all contact like a normal breakup, is he for real? You rape someone, and ignore them and what you did thinking you get to leave it there, leave it behind you, is he for real??! The stupidity is outstanding, honestly.
Like, I am not a bad person. I work hard and raise a gorgeous little girl, she is my world. An apology would have been enough for me at that time because, yeah, I still had love left and respect, after all we shared a baby together for seven weeks 3 days. But my god, the only conclusion that I can draw from me having to beg, literally beg for an apology, all dignity gone out of the window, begging my rapist for a sorry, is that he doesn’t care about what he’s done, he doesn’t care about the carnage he has caused both me and my daughter.
I am set on getting justice. His avoidance technique regarding what he has done has made me so angry and so vengeful. How dare he think he gets two get away with what he did to me? How dare he.
I am the one holding all he cards, now. I’m not on my own with it either, the Police – the crime report, they know. Just because I am not strong enough yet for a court case does not mean that there won’t be one someday.
I just want that piece of scum to feel one tenth of how scared he made me. How scared he made me when I couldn’t get him off. When I struggled beneath him. When my palms were digging into his shoulders, pushing,. When I was saying no and stop it – tell me, does that sound like throes of passion to anyone of you, readers?