He told me. 

I have lost count of the things he has told me that turned out to be lies, but there is one thing he told me that I don’t think is. The two most important things in his life are his family and his friends, he used to claim it was me and my daughter, but you know…actions tell a different story.


He sat opposite me in a pub by his place, yes, I even travelled to the guy, you don’t need to tell me how pathetic I was, I am well aware. This was a couple of months before I even entertained the idea of reporting him. It was the time when an apology only would have been adequate. It would have been more than adequate. I am guilty of lashing out, threatening him with reporting it (understandably, I think). Guilty of trying to make him feel as scared as I was, as hurt as I was, trying to provoke a reaction and an apology. 

It got me thinking of his friends. None in particular, just the proverbial friend. I mean, I imagined if one of my close male friends told me that they were guilty of raping their ex girlfriend, intentionally or not, I really don’t think that it makes any difference whatsoever.. I would have nothing to do with that person again, but perhaps that is just me. Y’know, having morals is such a dampener…

But then again I suppose it also depends on what else has been said about me, doesn’t it? Any lies, any bad mouthing like all exes do, trying to convince yourself that the person you loved wasn’t so great after all.. but I know I was spoken badly about, while I was still protecting him, lest we forget! 

But it got me thinking. It must be a very hard thing to accept, that you are friends, close friends with a rapist. Friends with someone who felt their partner struggling underneath them and chose to ignore it. I imagine it would be easier to lay them blame at the exes feet (mine) even though I was the one who had to go through a traumatic event, not him.

What’s that famous quote again, regarding packs… 


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