Can’t wait 

Last Sunday as you guys know was baby anniversary. The 23rd of July represented ten months since saying goodbye to baby and every day is a struggle truthfully, it hurts.

I couldn’t make it to Hampton on the anniversary. That is the area where it happened and we said goodbye, I try and go back as much as I can. It sounds so stupid, but I don’t want to leave baby alone, I know, I know how silly that must sound.

Anyway I will make up for it this Saturday and I am so excited to go! I just know it’s going to help make me feel a lot better. I’ve done the usual and written baby a late term which I float along the River. 

It’s full of apologies really. From me, to baby. I apologise on his behalf because I believe that our child looks down on us and has witnessed the hate, the refusal to talk about what he did. I believe that baby has played witness to this whole saga of disrespect.

It’s a shame, isn’t it, how easily life can veer off into another direction.

Still, I love going there. Yes it’s upsetting, incredibly so, but it makes a change from feeling so numb. I like in a stupid way feeling close to baby. 

I just can’t wait for Saturday. 


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