Up, down. Up, down.

I took my first antidepressant last night, properly I mean. 

Takes four weeks to have a noticeable change in you apparently; why do I feel that four weeks is time that I just don’t have. I had to walk out of work yesterday because I just suddenly could not cope with my thoughts, the ongoing situation, all of it, it is really taking a toll on me, still. No matter how much I laugh and smile, joke around, it is always there and it’s destroying me quite frankly.

I am meeting with the police officer in charge tomorrow to discuss taking things further. I let slip to him yesterday that I had done something destructive the day before, had left work and been prescribed antidepressants. He turned up to my house, unannounced to check on me, bare in mind that he works in Central London. 

How kind is that. And how suicidal must I have sounded.

Oh god I don’t want to get up and face the day, I really don’t. To have to go downstairs and see that sofa where he did wha he did. Can’t I just be allowed to hide away, forever? 

Time to plaster on that fake smile yet again, for everyone else’s benefit..

One thought on “Up, down. Up, down.

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