Without breaking any confidentiality, I attended my first cardiac arrest while on shift yesterday. My adrenaline remained absolutely through the roof for hours afterwards; I was on a whole other planet, quite honestly. A pretty shocking scene, no doubt, but it was definitely one capable of shifting one’s perspective.
Life is short and very, very fragile. Bad stuff happens, but on the other hand we play a role in keeping ourselves there.
I have kept myself in a bad place, convincing myself that I had to stay there because of what happened to me, but witnessing that while on shift changed my mindset. I’m not belittling what he did to me; but I’m right in saying that life is short and I’m also recognising the fact that I’ve been in the process of destroying mine. An awful thing happened to me by someone who turned out to the polar opposite of what he pretended, but I have always been in control as to where I went next; I guess I just needed to realise that.
I’m still here, with all the time, and potential to do anything, meet anyone, go anywhere. I’ve got all of Isabel’s growing up to watch, enjoy and occasionally suffer, I’m sure. As I said earlier, bad stuff happens but we play a part in keeping ourselves there. Perhaps I needed to witness what I did yesterday to realise how much potential and good things there are in the present.
I hope that yesterday’s epiphany provides the basis for leaving this awful year and a bit behind. I owe it to myself, and Isabel, most of all, to stay in the now.
Here’s to finally having one eye on the future, but not lingering in the past.