I haven’t posted in what seems like forever. I’m not sure whether it’s because I’ve been super busy with work or that I’m just permanently exhausted due to this shitter of a bout of seemingly never ending depression, and y’know, what’s the point in even bothering.
I feel huge and disgusting most days. I have stopped even looking in the mirror (full length body ones, I mean). I feel disgusting and actually seeing it is triggering as hell. I have been eating like a pig. The antidepressants have brought my appetite back with full force, which I really detest. Furthermore I can’t cope without them, I tried for three days and ended up sliding back into the depths of depression once more.
So, basically, I’m either a disgusting fat worthless pig and a pathetic rape victim, or I’m emotional and downright mental as shit, but not eating.
Choices choices, eh.
God I hate myself so much and my self esteem is still at small time low, I’m currently sitting on the sofa where he raped me, laughing at myself. What a joke I am!
A funny, funny, fucking joke.