Sooo.

Remember I said I would wait to weigh myself today?

Well, I did.

2lbs down. I did want 3, but I’m fairly content with that; rather, I have to be.

That’s an old picture. When you could lift up my top and ribs would be there. It scared me at first; how noticeable they were. I love it now, the shadows, the depth.

I purged one time today also, I think I hid it well enough, although when I arrived home I did notice my mum had book called ‘Lighter than my shadow’ on her bed, yep you guessed it, all about anorexia.

I’ll stop when I get my BMI down. I started and it was 19.4 apparently that’s healthy.

Fucking hideous if you ask me.

I’ve been thinking about the rape a lot today. Perhaps because today I sat at the very table where he first told me he loved me. I remember how I felt in that moment. So safe, so happy.

Then I forced myself to remember how I felt during the rape. His ‘mistake’ – more like his attack.

Vicious cycle to be trapped in, that’s for sure. 

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